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User talk:Anonymityec1.11
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the File:Lips of Red, Eyes of Blue page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 05:32, June 2, 2016 (UTC) Jay Ten (talk) 20:22, June 4, 2016 (UTC) Notice Please read over our style guide and edit your stories accordingly. If they aren't fixed they may be deleted. Jay Ten (talk) 20:26, June 4, 2016 (UTC) :I actually had to delete your most recent story, as it had too many issues with its formatting. Stories need to be in reasonable paragraphs, dialogue needs to be properly broken up, etc. :Jay Ten (talk) 20:29, June 4, 2016 (UTC) Thanks for the help with the categories. As for the editing, I was actually editing it as you deleted it. I notice that wiki tends to mess up my format and I usually edit after I initially publish it. Thanks for reminding me anyway though. Re: No worries, my friend. The category message is a template we add rather than writing out a message, in case you were wondering why it sounded harsh. The reason we tend to delete stories quickly is because all too often the author doesn't bother coming back to edit and then others tend to put too much effort into trying to fix it. I've tried to leave them up a couple times and message the author that they needed edited or they would be deleted and heard nothing back, so I generally just delete them now. We're a bit cynical at times, but I guess it comes with the territory. A couple things you need to put in your writing rule book involves punctuation and capitalization when using dialogue. If you identify the speaker after the quotation, never use a period to end the quote and don't capitalize the first word outside the quotation unless it's a word that is always capitalized. Here is an example of both issues I snagged from your story Odd Aiden: “You’re not real… You’re not real!” He shouted. “More.” Aiden repeated. They should look like this: “You’re not real… You’re not real!” he shouted. “More,” Aiden repeated. I'll check over everything later on or tomorrow. I already removed the Marked for Review tag from the shorter of the stories, and I won't bother adding it to the Odd Aiden one if you're going to go ahead and edit it. If you have any questions, always feel free to ask. Jay Ten (talk) 22:09, June 4, 2016 (UTC) :I also noticed some occasional mistakes with it's/its, and try to keep your paragraphs smaller than ten sentences when possible. The large paragraphs tend to wear on people's eyes on this website and are harder to follow. :Jay Ten (talk) 22:23, June 4, 2016 (UTC) Notice Please do not blank/alter messages on your talk page. As they serve as a public record, doing so will result in a lengthy ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:27, June 5, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:43, June 6, 2016 (UTC) Warning Please refrain from editing/removing content from user's messages. As talk pages serve as a public record, doing so will result in a lengthy ban from editing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:09, June 6, 2016 (UTC) Sorry. I was going to ask a question on a story deletion and when I deleted it I must have deleted something else on accident. These pages are rather laggy in deletion. My apologies. Anonymityec1.11 (talk) 11:32, June 6, 2016 (UTC)Anonymityec1.11 Re: Story No problem, although I would be a bit more careful as looking over the edit, it seems like you blanked/altered content in two different spaces and didn't really leave a message of any kind. Moving on from that and onto your story. There's quite a lot of story issues here for being only three paragraphs long. Starting with the wording. "It pinions you, like a helpless butterfly, speared to a cork bulletin board in an estranged middle school by some overzealous ten year old." Estranged is an adjective for describing people who are no longer romantically/amicably involved. A school really can't be estranged. You also tend to shift between capitalizing titles and leaving them uncapitalized. "Mama and Papa are right next to you", "My mother once told me", "My grandmother lying before me,", etc. You really need to be uniform when capitalizing those words or leaving them uncapitalized. Story issues: You have a lot of descriptive elements when talking about death "It pinions you, like a helpless butterfly" and "It’s suffocating like a fire in Nevada, an intolerable heat.", but there's a pretty large issue with incorporating these into the story. For example, what aspect of death were you trying to explain with the Nevada fire analogy? Having multiple analogies but not really effectively linking or utilizing them in the story really weakens their inclusion. Story issues cont.: To be honest, this feels like an introduction and not a complete story. You begin by having the protagonist partially make analogies, then describe his grandmother's last moments, and then segue into telling the audience that their deaths will be beautiful. It feels like you're missing scenes that tie this all together and effectively wrap up the story. Is the protagonist some sort of killer now based on his experiences? If so, why is the proxy set forth in the last paragraph in a hospital bed and why did you include the category of dismemberment when your story doesn't involve that topic. Story issues final: Finally we come to the ending. "But don’t worry, I will honor you. Just like all the others, your death…will be beautiful." I'm not entirely sure what angle you were shooting for here. Is the protagonist now an angel of mercy? Are they an observer of some sort to all aspects of death. The fact that they're ruminating on this topic, but not really bringing it together in a plot with a conflict/conclusion really makes me wonder if you had more in mind for this story but ended up posting what you had at the moment since it feels incomplete. I hope that helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:00, June 6, 2016 (UTC) :I'm sorry, but making errors intentional doesn't seem like a good method for story-telling. Talking about the usage of the word estranged. This is the definition of estranged: "(of a person) no longer close or affectionate to someone; alienated." It has to involve people on both aspects as it involves emotions and relationships. Your middle school doesn't really have an opinion about you as it is an object. There are much better words to use that convey your point. :As for changing the capitalization of Mama and Papa, but not capitalizing mother and grandmother, that feels incorrect. The protagonist is experiencing that event as a kid as well (as you really don't state their age at that time), and your explanation really raises more questions than answers. "the narrator viewed his or her parents to be above all and deeply important", so why don't they capitalize the words "mother" and "grandmother" if they're using it as an honorific? As for the narrator losing respect for the mother, I really didn't see that or feel it was implied in any way. Especially when you wrap up that section with "It was there I beheld what an honor it was to witness someone die." Typically if you're going to demean or make light of something, you use single quotations or italics to emphasis or twist the phrase. Best of luck in the future with your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:23, June 6, 2016 (UTC) Closing accounts I deleted your stories as you requested. You can use this link to close your account. That being said the content on the talk pages really can't be removed as it has to serve as a public record for transparency. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:42, June 6, 2016 (UTC)